Time to get a few things down...
So I didn't really go into much detail when previously discussing homeschooling my fabulous 9 y/o. I didn't lie- he was definitely way ahead and way bored in class. But it seems there was quite a bit more to it than I was even aware of at the time. I've been thinking about it a great deal lately I think because it's been in the news so much. I'm traumatized that children are actually committing suicide because they're being bullied. On the Today Show this morning they were talking about bullying. They were refering to a "landmark statement" made by the US Dept of Education. They said something to the effect that bullying is not just a normal rite of passage, or an inevitable part of growing up. And that we have an obligation to ensure that our schools are safe for all of our kids. I'm not so sure what's landmark" about that. And I don't know who this "we" is they're referring to, but I do know the kids at my son's elementary school know that they cannot "tattle" because they will be ignored, and then the other kids will harass them for being "tattle tails".
Before I really get into that though, I want to say that I *always* wanted to be an elementary school teacher. I don't know if my teachers were just "better" than everyone elses, or if that was just the norm back then. I wanted to wear "teacher clothes" (I still love teacher clothes- they're fab!) and supervise kick ball games when I had recess duty. I wanted to decorate the room for holidays, bring homemade treats and gifts for my kids, etc.
I LOVED school. New clothes, new pencils, new folders. When my son was in kindergarten I thought maybe it was going to be the same for him. In kindergarten he refused to eat lunch for the whole first semester. He hates to eat in front of people, but still it was extremely stressful for me. I will pretty much eat anywhere, with anyone- so I have no idea where this issue came from. Apparently he came with it though- like the rest of his personality. But he never complained about going to school once he got settled into kindergarten. With the exception of refusing to eat at school- everything seemed peachy. There was a mean little girl in his class (we'll just call "Emi" for kicks) and he did tell me she was mean to people. When I mentioned it to his kindy teacher she said they do have to keep an eye on her. D said she wasn't mean to HIM, but she was mean to other kids.
Now my Dball was very sweet, sang a lot and skipped/jumped a lot when he was young. He made up songs to go with what he was doing, songs using the words of a sentence I had just spoken to him, etc. He was pretty happy, and non-aggressive. He was never competitive, which his father has some issues with but I do not. He was thoughtful in little ways that I don't think I actually "taught" him. Like when he was invited to a girl from his PreK class's Birthday Party. It was at the skating rink- and he had never been before. We picked out a present, dressed in jeans and a Christmas sweatshirt (it was in mid-December) and went to the party. Most of the little boys were playing at the pool tables and arcade games, but D was standing in the middle of the skate floor with one other little boy and about a million 3 y/o girls. When I suggested that he might want to check out what the little boys were doing, he told me, "It's Missy's party, so I need to be where she is. She would be sad if I played with other people instead of her at her Birthday party!". Well, shut my mouth. I had no idea. I don't think she really would've cared- but it seemed so thoughtful of him to consider that.
So we made it through Kindy and he was looking forward to 1st grade. Within weeks his personality started changing and I had no idea why. I tried to talk to him about it, and he refused to have a discussion about it. Eventually he told me that they sometimes played kickball at recess. He didn't say anything else about it for many weeks. I volunteered in the teacher workroom every week, and ate lunch w/him if I was there. He never wanted to sit with his friends, always at a separate table with just me and him. He didn't sing anymore, didn't skip, and "hated" everything. said everything was "boring". Still I had no clue why he had changed. I was having to send him to his room after school for an hour every day just because I couldn't deal with him and his attitude. He didn't do anything wrong- didn't throw a fit or anything- he was just so grumpy I couldn't deal with it.
I wondered if maybe 1st grade was just difficult for some people and maybe 2nd grade would be better. People told me that it was probably just switching from kindergarten where you have naps and snacks and such to "regular" class.
So we were optimistic for 2nd grade. D was ahead in all subjects when he started 2nd, his teacher seemed nice enough and I still volunteered every week at the school. His attitude got worse and I wondered if maybe it was somehow just his "real personality" developing? I asked about kick ball again, and he almost yelled at me that "all they ever do is cheat". WHO??? Aren't there teachers out there? He told me that there were teachers out there, but their (2nd grade) recess overlapped with 3rd grade's recess, so 3rd grade always controlled the balls and the game. They DID let the 2nd graders play, but they cheated. He explained that the 3rd graders would claim the tree root as 1st base, until a 2nd grader kicked and got to the root. THEN they would say, "No, it's the tree trunk and not the root, so you're out". Seems like a little thing maybe, but children need to be taught how to play fairly. An adult needs to be there to guide them and show them the proper way to interact. It's very discouraging to the children who are younger, and/or who are being raised by parents with strong values and morals to have to deal with bullies and liars and cheaters. I asked why they didn't tell a teacher, or ask a teacher to supervise the game to make sure no one was cheating. He told me that others HAD told the teachers before, and the teachers just tell them to "Go play. We're visiting- you go play. Don't tattle". Then, of course, when there's no adult to supervise that tells the 3rd graders that it's more than okay to cheat and bully the littler kids, in addition to now calling them tattle tales. NICE. The teachers are not, in fact, out there to visit. They are out there to supervise the children and their raising, since public school children spend more awake time at school every day than they do at home. If Mrs. Herndon or Mrs. Premeaux heard we were cheating or bullying other kids (my 2nd and 3rd grade teachers) they would have done something about it immediately. I don't remember ever being told to stop tattling or not to interrupt their visiting??
Just before I pulled D out of public school a friend told me she was on the playground and saw that delightful aforementioned child (the one we'/ll call "Emi" just for kicks) running behind my child and smacking him on the head. More than once. HE NEVER SAID A WORD TO ME about it, and he never would've. She did it more than once on that day in particular. That same delightful child whose neck I'd like to wring was depantsing another child at recess every day (another little girl). Went on for weeks apparently. The visiting teachers stand on the back-porch either didn't see it because they weren't paying attention, or just felt like the kids should suck it up and deal with it. Similar to either not noticing D getting smacked on the head every time she ran by him at recess (every day) I suppose. And why would the children report it to the teachers? After speaking to many of the kids I learned that the teachers were always telling them to "quit tattling and go play". I suppose if you were bleeding or broke your arm they would notice- if someone came and told them. But regular every day bullying and lying and cheating is apparently not a priority to deal with.
So I brought D home and started homeschooling him. Within weeks his sweet, happy personality started to return. NO KIDDING- it was an amazingly short period of time. He now sings little ditties almost incessantly, but I hate to complain because I've lived with the alternative and it's awful. There's just no excuse for elementary children to "hate" school and have to deal with bullying. There's no excuse for ANY child to have to deal with it, but especially not elementary- they're just babies. My child was DEPRESSED- because of charming Emi and older kids bullying younger kids on the playground. We entrust our children to these people for 8 hours a day, and I personally think we have the right to them being appropriately supervised. I'm betting those same elementary school teachers are not yet aware of the 4th grade boys who are kissing girls (and who knows what else??) behind trees and play equipment every day at recess. You can bet the other kids are aware of it though.
Anyway, I feel a little better now. I do not think my child needs to toughen up an learn to deal with people picking on him. I think that's stupid. He's bright, articulate, joyful, thoughtful.... and I'd like him to stay that way. I'd rather the adults we pay to be in charge do their jobs. The children need to learn respect, honesty, strong moral values, etc... It's not okay to lie and cheat and steal and bully other kids. Even if they're dumber, smarter, faster, slower, fatter, richer, poorer, gay-er, more religious, less religious, more or less ethnic than you. Period. It's not okay. It's a travesty for a 7-8 year old to be CLINICALLY DEPRESSED because of obnoxious kids and apathetic adults at their school. I remain traumatized that I didn't pull him out sooner. Also that he didn't want to tell me what was going on because he believed it was "tattling" and something he shouldn't do. There is a right and wrong, just because some folks don't teach or live that in their homes does not negate the reality of it. There should be standards that children are taught to live by while they're in school. There should be consequences when they don't behave properly. I don't care if it offends their parents or old siblings- right is right and wrong is wrong. Period.
I'm done for now. Thanks.
Before I really get into that though, I want to say that I *always* wanted to be an elementary school teacher. I don't know if my teachers were just "better" than everyone elses, or if that was just the norm back then. I wanted to wear "teacher clothes" (I still love teacher clothes- they're fab!) and supervise kick ball games when I had recess duty. I wanted to decorate the room for holidays, bring homemade treats and gifts for my kids, etc.
I LOVED school. New clothes, new pencils, new folders. When my son was in kindergarten I thought maybe it was going to be the same for him. In kindergarten he refused to eat lunch for the whole first semester. He hates to eat in front of people, but still it was extremely stressful for me. I will pretty much eat anywhere, with anyone- so I have no idea where this issue came from. Apparently he came with it though- like the rest of his personality. But he never complained about going to school once he got settled into kindergarten. With the exception of refusing to eat at school- everything seemed peachy. There was a mean little girl in his class (we'll just call "Emi" for kicks) and he did tell me she was mean to people. When I mentioned it to his kindy teacher she said they do have to keep an eye on her. D said she wasn't mean to HIM, but she was mean to other kids.
Now my Dball was very sweet, sang a lot and skipped/jumped a lot when he was young. He made up songs to go with what he was doing, songs using the words of a sentence I had just spoken to him, etc. He was pretty happy, and non-aggressive. He was never competitive, which his father has some issues with but I do not. He was thoughtful in little ways that I don't think I actually "taught" him. Like when he was invited to a girl from his PreK class's Birthday Party. It was at the skating rink- and he had never been before. We picked out a present, dressed in jeans and a Christmas sweatshirt (it was in mid-December) and went to the party. Most of the little boys were playing at the pool tables and arcade games, but D was standing in the middle of the skate floor with one other little boy and about a million 3 y/o girls. When I suggested that he might want to check out what the little boys were doing, he told me, "It's Missy's party, so I need to be where she is. She would be sad if I played with other people instead of her at her Birthday party!". Well, shut my mouth. I had no idea. I don't think she really would've cared- but it seemed so thoughtful of him to consider that.
So we made it through Kindy and he was looking forward to 1st grade. Within weeks his personality started changing and I had no idea why. I tried to talk to him about it, and he refused to have a discussion about it. Eventually he told me that they sometimes played kickball at recess. He didn't say anything else about it for many weeks. I volunteered in the teacher workroom every week, and ate lunch w/him if I was there. He never wanted to sit with his friends, always at a separate table with just me and him. He didn't sing anymore, didn't skip, and "hated" everything. said everything was "boring". Still I had no clue why he had changed. I was having to send him to his room after school for an hour every day just because I couldn't deal with him and his attitude. He didn't do anything wrong- didn't throw a fit or anything- he was just so grumpy I couldn't deal with it.
I wondered if maybe 1st grade was just difficult for some people and maybe 2nd grade would be better. People told me that it was probably just switching from kindergarten where you have naps and snacks and such to "regular" class.
So we were optimistic for 2nd grade. D was ahead in all subjects when he started 2nd, his teacher seemed nice enough and I still volunteered every week at the school. His attitude got worse and I wondered if maybe it was somehow just his "real personality" developing? I asked about kick ball again, and he almost yelled at me that "all they ever do is cheat". WHO??? Aren't there teachers out there? He told me that there were teachers out there, but their (2nd grade) recess overlapped with 3rd grade's recess, so 3rd grade always controlled the balls and the game. They DID let the 2nd graders play, but they cheated. He explained that the 3rd graders would claim the tree root as 1st base, until a 2nd grader kicked and got to the root. THEN they would say, "No, it's the tree trunk and not the root, so you're out". Seems like a little thing maybe, but children need to be taught how to play fairly. An adult needs to be there to guide them and show them the proper way to interact. It's very discouraging to the children who are younger, and/or who are being raised by parents with strong values and morals to have to deal with bullies and liars and cheaters. I asked why they didn't tell a teacher, or ask a teacher to supervise the game to make sure no one was cheating. He told me that others HAD told the teachers before, and the teachers just tell them to "Go play. We're visiting- you go play. Don't tattle". Then, of course, when there's no adult to supervise that tells the 3rd graders that it's more than okay to cheat and bully the littler kids, in addition to now calling them tattle tales. NICE. The teachers are not, in fact, out there to visit. They are out there to supervise the children and their raising, since public school children spend more awake time at school every day than they do at home. If Mrs. Herndon or Mrs. Premeaux heard we were cheating or bullying other kids (my 2nd and 3rd grade teachers) they would have done something about it immediately. I don't remember ever being told to stop tattling or not to interrupt their visiting??
Just before I pulled D out of public school a friend told me she was on the playground and saw that delightful aforementioned child (the one we'/ll call "Emi" just for kicks) running behind my child and smacking him on the head. More than once. HE NEVER SAID A WORD TO ME about it, and he never would've. She did it more than once on that day in particular. That same delightful child whose neck I'd like to wring was depantsing another child at recess every day (another little girl). Went on for weeks apparently. The visiting teachers stand on the back-porch either didn't see it because they weren't paying attention, or just felt like the kids should suck it up and deal with it. Similar to either not noticing D getting smacked on the head every time she ran by him at recess (every day) I suppose. And why would the children report it to the teachers? After speaking to many of the kids I learned that the teachers were always telling them to "quit tattling and go play". I suppose if you were bleeding or broke your arm they would notice- if someone came and told them. But regular every day bullying and lying and cheating is apparently not a priority to deal with.
So I brought D home and started homeschooling him. Within weeks his sweet, happy personality started to return. NO KIDDING- it was an amazingly short period of time. He now sings little ditties almost incessantly, but I hate to complain because I've lived with the alternative and it's awful. There's just no excuse for elementary children to "hate" school and have to deal with bullying. There's no excuse for ANY child to have to deal with it, but especially not elementary- they're just babies. My child was DEPRESSED- because of charming Emi and older kids bullying younger kids on the playground. We entrust our children to these people for 8 hours a day, and I personally think we have the right to them being appropriately supervised. I'm betting those same elementary school teachers are not yet aware of the 4th grade boys who are kissing girls (and who knows what else??) behind trees and play equipment every day at recess. You can bet the other kids are aware of it though.
Anyway, I feel a little better now. I do not think my child needs to toughen up an learn to deal with people picking on him. I think that's stupid. He's bright, articulate, joyful, thoughtful.... and I'd like him to stay that way. I'd rather the adults we pay to be in charge do their jobs. The children need to learn respect, honesty, strong moral values, etc... It's not okay to lie and cheat and steal and bully other kids. Even if they're dumber, smarter, faster, slower, fatter, richer, poorer, gay-er, more religious, less religious, more or less ethnic than you. Period. It's not okay. It's a travesty for a 7-8 year old to be CLINICALLY DEPRESSED because of obnoxious kids and apathetic adults at their school. I remain traumatized that I didn't pull him out sooner. Also that he didn't want to tell me what was going on because he believed it was "tattling" and something he shouldn't do. There is a right and wrong, just because some folks don't teach or live that in their homes does not negate the reality of it. There should be standards that children are taught to live by while they're in school. There should be consequences when they don't behave properly. I don't care if it offends their parents or old siblings- right is right and wrong is wrong. Period.
I'm done for now. Thanks.
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