I have come to some decisions
and I want to write it down before it gets away from me again.
I can't determine whether one is of greater importance to me than another, so I'm just going to have to write about all of it in whatever way it floats out of my mind.
Speaking of floating out of my mind- after careful consideration on my own part, and consulting with friends and family, I don't think my "ADD with OCD tendencies" is actually getting "worse". I believe that I self-medicated with Dr. Pepper and then Diet Coke for so long, that I was able to keep focused and do the things I needed to do in my daily life. I very seldom ran out of Diet Coke- I made sure to always have some on hand. There were days I didn't drink any, but there was never a stretch of days that I didn't drink it. Since the surgery in Nov 2008, I have not drank Diet Coke. I've tasted it a couple times- and it makes me ill and doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Nevertheless, I have to function. Since I was evidently using the caffeine from the Coke to keep myself fully functioning, I have been very flighty ---------- squirrel!---------- and most days cannot remember why I've gone into a room, what I have on my calendar (which obviously there are MANY calendars I need to keep) for the day, and I drop things instead of cyclically, pretty much all day every day. I get sort of dizzy and light-headed, and cannot focus to complete conversations.
I do not want to take ADD meds, and cannot afford nor do I have the time for bio-feedback. So I was buying the WM brand no-doze to combine with my tylenol for stress migraines (it's cheaper that way than buying the excederin stress meds) and thought I'd try the caffeine (without tylenol) to see if it could help me focus. Thankfully, it does. I only take half of one at a time, and it seems to be sufficient so far.
About getting pregnant, I really do not know if I will or not. For the last few months I've worried about it way too much. The realizatin that Ill be 40 (gasp!) this year plus trying to decide if I need to wait X amount of time before consulting an Reproductive Endocrinologist, or do I even need to consult an RE, or should I just call my OB and see if he'll monitor (by ultrasound during that part of my cycle) to see if I'm ovulating... etc. I was pretty anxious about it for a while there, but after much prayer and consideration, I feel like if the Lord wants me to have another baby, He will figure out a way to get it here. I've lost a lot of the weight I needed to lose, I'm going to be exercising regularly again soon, I'm eating what I need to and taking my supplements. I either will or will not have another baby- and I will be good with whichever outcome. I am not going to stress myself out about it, and although I would love to have more children I know I can be happy with the one that I do have.
So that's a load off for a while. I'm terrified to actually be pregnant- since I am high risk and fairly ill during pregnancy- but again I know if the Lord has another child for me, He will make it happen. I am going to have Faith... I am going to have Faith... I am going to have Faith....
I can't determine whether one is of greater importance to me than another, so I'm just going to have to write about all of it in whatever way it floats out of my mind.
Speaking of floating out of my mind- after careful consideration on my own part, and consulting with friends and family, I don't think my "ADD with OCD tendencies" is actually getting "worse". I believe that I self-medicated with Dr. Pepper and then Diet Coke for so long, that I was able to keep focused and do the things I needed to do in my daily life. I very seldom ran out of Diet Coke- I made sure to always have some on hand. There were days I didn't drink any, but there was never a stretch of days that I didn't drink it. Since the surgery in Nov 2008, I have not drank Diet Coke. I've tasted it a couple times- and it makes me ill and doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Nevertheless, I have to function. Since I was evidently using the caffeine from the Coke to keep myself fully functioning, I have been very flighty ---------- squirrel!---------- and most days cannot remember why I've gone into a room, what I have on my calendar (which obviously there are MANY calendars I need to keep) for the day, and I drop things instead of cyclically, pretty much all day every day. I get sort of dizzy and light-headed, and cannot focus to complete conversations.
I do not want to take ADD meds, and cannot afford nor do I have the time for bio-feedback. So I was buying the WM brand no-doze to combine with my tylenol for stress migraines (it's cheaper that way than buying the excederin stress meds) and thought I'd try the caffeine (without tylenol) to see if it could help me focus. Thankfully, it does. I only take half of one at a time, and it seems to be sufficient so far.
About getting pregnant, I really do not know if I will or not. For the last few months I've worried about it way too much. The realizatin that Ill be 40 (gasp!) this year plus trying to decide if I need to wait X amount of time before consulting an Reproductive Endocrinologist, or do I even need to consult an RE, or should I just call my OB and see if he'll monitor (by ultrasound during that part of my cycle) to see if I'm ovulating... etc. I was pretty anxious about it for a while there, but after much prayer and consideration, I feel like if the Lord wants me to have another baby, He will figure out a way to get it here. I've lost a lot of the weight I needed to lose, I'm going to be exercising regularly again soon, I'm eating what I need to and taking my supplements. I either will or will not have another baby- and I will be good with whichever outcome. I am not going to stress myself out about it, and although I would love to have more children I know I can be happy with the one that I do have.
So that's a load off for a while. I'm terrified to actually be pregnant- since I am high risk and fairly ill during pregnancy- but again I know if the Lord has another child for me, He will make it happen. I am going to have Faith... I am going to have Faith... I am going to have Faith....
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