. . . All My Chaosity . . .

but I'm nauseous just thinking about it. The more I consider it, the worse I feel about the Dr. turning the baby. Kara came on Friday, but Celeste was out of town and ABall was at work. So Kupcake was agreeable to turning, but as soon as Kara stopped blocking my pelvis, the child stuck something (knee? leg? bottom?) down in it. Hopefully she will have time to come by tonight, and she and B (and maybe Celeste, if she's really bored!) can try to turn her again with adequate assistance. I'm hoping she's bigger now, with less room to swim, and if we can get her head down there she won't be able to pull it back out? It sounds plausible in my head. I'm scheduled at the hospital for the external version tomorrow morning at 8:30am. The plan is to attempt to turn her, but if she won't turn I have a c-section scheduled for 1:30pm tomorrow afternoon. Now I'm thinking if we can't get her turned tonight, or at any rate if she's not engaged tomorrow a...

and maybe making some gingerbread. There's so many snackies I want to make- though I can't eat many of them and we aren't expecting company or anything. I guess I could them to friends- I dunno. Dball and I saw some chocolate covered mini marshmallows at the store the other day. We decided we could just make our own but use the big marshmallows and put Christmas sprinkles and stuff on them. That would be easy enough.... I feel sorta bad that Dball has done so little in the way of school work the last month or so. He has done some Math, Reading, English worksheets I guess. Not every day or anything- sometimes only once-a-week. Except for the reading- which he does more often. He never seems to tire of playing Wii games- which would drive me stark raving mad. He also loves to pop popcorn and watch movies in the afternoons. I can only watch a few movies over and over (Pride & Prejudice, Sense & Sensibility, Wizard of Oz...) but he and his father seem to have...

but I also feel ornery and don't really want to. =) I'm so far behind I may never catch up, but I can fill in a few of the highlights I guess. With this pregnancy I've had strong painful contractions for weeks now. I know they aren't "push-the-baby-out" contractions- but they're pretty uncomfortable at times. I keep hearing from women who've had several pregnancies that their contractions were worse with later pregnancies, plus when they were over 35 years old. Maybe that's what the deal is, I don't know. So I was scheduled to have the cerclage removed at 36 weeks and 2 days, but ended up in the ER with fairly strong contractions just after 35 weeks. My OB went ahead and removed the cerclage the next morning, and I promptly dilated to a fingertip. Two weeks later I remain dilated only a fingertip. I swear to you I dilated to 5 at 23 weeks with Logan a he literally fell out- sac and all. I don't know what's up with DBall (delive...

Well, cumulatively they've been good. =) B and I have been married for 15 years- unbelievable! No doubt all those naysayers are pretty surprised too. Especially those ones who thought we had to get married because we were pregnant. Hope they're feeling pretty DANG BAD about that now, considering all the miscarriages and the loss of Logan 11 years ago. So we celebrated our Happy Anniversary in pretty grand style, for a 40 y/o pregnant woman. A fabulous friend kept Dball all afternoon (literally- from 11am-8pm) and we dressed up and went out. We had lunch at Ella's , inside the Inn at Carnell Hall on U of A campus. We had crabcakes for an appetizer (well, I had half of one cake), I had a hamburger (seriously- it was FABULOUS) and homemade fries, and B had beef stroganoff. For dessert we had creme brulee and peppermint cake w/ganache and raspberry coulis . FABULOUS. Then we made a short trip to pick up a few Christmas gifts, then on to our massages. My low...

we'll see how long this lasts. I've had pelvic physical therapy twice a week for the last couple weeks for symphysis pubis dysfunction , I'm not certain if it's helping? She gave me a cool girdle/belt thing that definitely helps though. Saw the OB last week. He keeps saying "34 weeks is the milestone" (what milestone is it? what does that mean?) but he hopes to keep the cerclage in until 36 weeks. Now that I've come to terms with the child possibly being born on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day (everyone kept telling me it was a bad idea, etc., etc.) I'm terrified she won't stay in until December 1. I have strong and sometimes painful contractions every day now, but timing them last night I didn't have more than 4/hour. The info sheet the OB gave me said it wasn't a problem unless it went beyond 4/hour that I couldn't get to stop by resting and drinking fluids. Another less important reason for my inner ballerina to stay inside: I ...

So I didn't really go into much detail when previously discussing homeschooling my fabulous 9 y/o. I didn't lie- he was definitely way ahead and way bored in class. But it seems there was quite a bit more to it than I was even aware of at the time. I've been thinking about it a great deal lately I think because it's been in the news so much. I'm traumatized that children are actually committing suicide because they're being bullied. On the Today Show this morning they were talking about bullying. They were refering to a "landmark statement" made by the US Dept of Education. They said something to the effect that bullying is not just a normal rite of passage, or an inevitable part of growing up. And that we have an obligation to ensure that our schools are safe for all of our kids. I'm not so sure what's landmark" about that. And I don't know who this "we" is they're referring to, but I do know the kids at my so...

But I sorta feel like I have nothing new to say. I have some complaints, about being tired and sore and wishing I could exercise- but even I get tired of hearing those. =) I have to see the OB every 2 weeks now, which is a major pain, but I suppose he's trying to make sure we get the child here this time. He insists on checking the cerclage every time- unless I've had an u/s in the past week or been to the hospital and been checked. Ashley Deed (my OB while pregnant w Dball) never checked it manually- she said it was in there and we should leave it alone. My cervix does not like to be manipulated. I have been informed that most people cannot feel their cervix, a very small percentage have any feeling at all even when it's been messed with all the time. I am, of course, in said small percentage. So inaddition to ebing sore from laying around all day (per his orders) and Kenzie growing a the appropriate rate, every two weeks (at least) my cervix feels sore and bruised....

I'm pretty sure that's what my OB said yesterday afternoon. Hubs heard it too- you can't make this stuff up. I'm delighted that there's been no spotting for quite a few weeks now. The ultrasound last week was comforting and a huge relief- both the UAMS RN and the Fayetteville geneticist said everything looked great and they hadn't seen anything unusual or to be concerned about. I had actually asked the tech during the ultrasound if there looked like a normal amount of amniotic fluid in there. She said looked normal to her, and none of the medical professionals who were involved with it noticed anything out of the ordinary. So Aball and I went to to see the OB yesterday. He didn't check the cerclage "because [I'd] just had an ultrasound last week" (I STILL think manipulating my cervix every visit is a BAD idea??) but said I will start coming every 2 weeks now because of my condition. Then he told us that the UAMS Dr. was concerned about th...

I just like to say that- I'm so surprised that the tech actually said it was a girl, I'm not sure I'll believe it until I actually see her with my own eyes live and in person. Fortunately (I suppose) one of the bedrooms (and only one?) came with light pink carpet- so that will be Kenzie's bedroom. My precious sisters-in-law are forwarding clothes from first Sarah to Nicole (who is due in a couple weeks I think?), then to ME when Nic & Mike's Zofia outgrows them. Also Angel graciously offered me her girl clothes- so hopefully I won't have to buy a WHOLE lot of items early on. I do need a co-sleeper, but we're planning to look on Craigslist a little closer to delivery. Also there's a huge consignment sale here ( Rhea Lana's ) next month so we will definitely check there as well. We also need a crib, but will use the dresser instead of a changing table. I'm planning to get free carseats from the police station, and I think I still have all...

and everything seems to be going well. Dball played at Celeste's yesterday while B & I went to the Dr. He checked the cerclage and declared it sound (yay) and found Niblet's heartbeat really quickly. I haven't felt Nib moving as much lately, so that was reassuring. My blood pressure was normal, and I think it showed maybe a 2lb weight gain (for the entire pregnancy thus far). I haven't had any spotting at all for like 2 weeks now. I asked about playing in the above-ground pool in our backyard. After much consideration, Dr. finally consented that if B or another adult were there to supervise entering and exiting the pool (via 3-step ladder) that I could, occasionally, get in our pool. But if I get dizzy or anything on the ladder on the way in, I am to go back down the ladder and go put my feet up somewhere. He theorized that if I lived in a home with stairs (I don't) I could probably walk up/down them a little during the day, though that's not the sam...

(HALLELUJAH!) On Saturday we were officially 16 weeks pregnant. I'm increasingly optimistic as I've got the cerclage in holding my cervix shut, and I've never miscarried this late before. My Dr. seems absolutely unconcerned, which is a bit disconcerting at times. (not sure why?) Mom was here for several days last week. She, B, D and I all went to Dball's Pulmonology appointment last Tuesday. Dr. Menendez says we can reduce his Pulmicort by half for 6 weeks, then go in for a pulmonary function test. If his numbers are still high, we can stop it altogether, then at 6 weeks go in for pulmonary function again. If his numbers remain high, he can start lowering his albuterol that he uses before exercise. As Fall will be quickly approaching, I'm hoping he will be okay. Soccer will start soon, and then basketball. Since he has exercise- and allergy-induced asthma, we may not be able to lower the albuterol at that time. Then B took D home and Mom and I went to my ...

I was so excited to finally be organized for the new school year. My child is far less so. I had intended to do a little more schooling over the Summer; but with the pregnancy, bed rest, surgery- I really haven't been up to it. Since B was off work yesterday, I decided to start today. We will probably take Friday off- so that will only be 3 days this week. Maybe we can take every Friday off. So far my plan as follows: Mondays Language Arts/dictation (Learning Language Arts through Literature, Tan Book) Singapore Math Pathway reading + 1 worksheet Copy Spelling Words for the week (from LA dictation and Pathway Reader) Silent Reading (30 minutes) Science/Zoology @ Wheelers Tuesdays Learning Language Arts through Literature Singapore Math Reading worksheet Spelling Sentences Silent Reading (30 minutes) Wednesdays Learning Language Arts through Literature Singapore Math Reading Worksheet Silent Reading (30 minutes) Spelling activity? Thursdays Learning Language Arts through Li...

Not really sure why. The last 2 mornings I've woken up with a headache, general body achiness and some dizziness. Not sure what that's about- but I don't love it. I currently have no library books to read, though I've requested 5 from the local library and I'm hoping at least one of them comes in tomorrow. Today I started the washer for one load of clothes, and dried them. I loaded part of the dishwasher with the help of Dball. I made dinner while B & D got ready for Cub Twilight Camp. now they're gone until after 9:00pm and I'm lonely and bored. Woe is me. I spoke to my OB's nurse today and she has placed some prenatal vitamins with DHA samples at the front desk for me- I just have to drag myself down there to pick them up. Also she verified with Dr. McA. that he will use general anesthesia for the cerclage insertion tomorrow, which is a huge relief. I SO want ro avoid needles in my spinal space (epidural, spinal block) as well as being awake...

My man did let me accompany him to Sam's Club Saturday night, I had to ride in the elec cart. I hadn't had any spotting all day Sat.! Sunday and Monday went spot-free, if memory serves (sometimes it does not). Then Tuesday I had strange dark spotting- very little though and very short lived. I've decided to switch OBs if at all possible. I called Dr. McAlister's office, told the woman my life story (first mistake), and she told me that since I would be a "transfer OB patient" I would have to arrange for all my medical records to be sent to them, then when they all arrived the Dr's would have a meeting about it and decide if they were willing to accept my care. WHAT!?!??!!??? So I called Dr. Bradford and spoke with his nurse. She said she had that problem with them all the time, and to call back and set up and appointment and they would go ahead and start faxing my records over.

After a great deal of consideration, I decided not to call the Dr. the next morning, and they didn't call me (which I thought was a little odd, but whatever). I continued to spend most of the week in bed or the recliner. D did some school work but I'm pretty sure he's mostly playing computer games. I'm hoping to encourage him to play outside more today- I'm thinking I'll just set up a couple of wicker chairs so I can keep my feet up and go out there with him. Since he has no siblings, he gets pretty bored outside by himself. I can't really blame him- even though I used to play outside by myself as a child all Summer. So Melanie, Betsy and Dianne brought us dinners this week (fabulous!) and I thought the spotting had all cleared up. Since I had not spotting all day Friday I was planning to ask B if I could take him to work and keep the truck, so D and I could get some groceries (with me riding on the electric cart while there). But then Friday night I s...

got in to see the OB this a.m. She did the u/s, the baby was sitting right there looking perfect, she said she didn't know what the bleeding was from- couldn't find a hemorrhage or anything. She said to stay close to home, but I don't actually have to stay in bed... but I can't walk too far or long, stand too long, or do any cleaning. That was 10:00 this morning. While resting in the recliner around 2;30 this afternoon, I suddenly felt all kinds of activity and ran to find loads of blood and tissue. we can't determine any identifiable parts, just a lot of tissue (we hope). Called Dr back. She said to stay in bed and call back in the morning and I'll probably go in and see the OB and have another ultrasound. I don't guess I was ever meant to have a normal pregnancy. D may still get to be an only child yet.....

So that I don't forget the dates entirely, I better get it all written down. Wednesday (5/19) the Wheelers took D & I to look at shelter dogs (Gizmo needs a dog now w/India gone) but the one in our town was closed on Weds. We looked in nearby towns and decided to try back the following day. So Thursday afternoon they picked us up and we went to the local animal shelter. From there we checked out a shelter in a neighboring town, and when I used the bathroom before leaving the facility I noticed spotting. We had intended to go to another shelter, but Celeste decided we would go to the Dr. instead. I was on and off the phone with said Dr for a while, and eventually they said I needed to go to radiology at the hospital for ultrasound. I was almost there by the time they came up with that instruction. Aunt Jenn came and got most of the kids, and I had both types of ultrasound. The baby was sitting there as usual, heart rate was 150 bpm and the tech didn't know where the spo...

I've been wanting to write down all my pregnancy info, but worried that since we haven't announced to the general public that we are expecting- we're hoping this is a full-term pregnancy but w/past experience we're really uncertain- that more people would be on the band-wagon than we had intended if I posted on facebook notes or even on my regular blog. Since only sweet Alissa follow this particular blog, perhaps no one else will bother to look over here. =) (And Alissa knows) So I took the pregnancy test at Celeste's house the afternoon of Thursday, April 29. It came back really positive, really quickly. So I called Dr. Pres. Bradford from the bathroom, and told (Pres Bradford's wife, actually, answered the phone at his office) a brief history of me and set up an appointment for the next morning. D-Ball had to miss the Rocky Branch One Room School House activity we had signed up for, but it couldn't be avoided b/c Pres. Bradford had surgeries the rest o...

We'll be 12weeks tomorrow, which is a plus. The new OB (McAlister) is definitely better than Collins at "Her Health"- or anyone else there, really. But he might be a little loopier than the last time I saw him 5 years ago. Even though he's been fully apprised of my gastric bypass surgery, he suggested I try to get all of my protein from plant sources. ?!?!?!?! I tried to tell him that I can only eat 1-1.5 cups of food at a time, and I have to eat protein first to get enough in. He pretty much kept right on talking like he'd had a brilliant idea. Eventually I just had to nod my head and smile. Obviously I will NOT be getting much of my nutrition from plant sources, but I don't need to discuss that with him again. I've had this subchorionic hemorrhage again, but it doesn't seem nearly as bad as last time. When they did the ultrasound this past Wednesday the technician was not very forthcoming about measurements or anything like most people are. ...

Aball is off work today (HALLELUJAH- he's been working 6 days/week for what seems like EVER now....) and I made my second 30 minute worm rescue in as many days.  I had togo it alone this morning, as DBall is depressed that he has to do school-work even though his father is off today.  Speaking of which, he has done nothing of the sort.  But he did help me "garden" this morning. So far we have planted green onions, sugar snap peas and broccoli.  B. has completed the garden boxes and filled them with the dirt we had delivered a few weeks ago.  He Wed & Fed the backyard a couple days ago, but we haven't done the front yet.  There's a high chance of rain this afternoon, so I'm hoping it will take care of the garden for me.  When he finishes distributing the remaining pile of dirt (it was a dump truck load full) I believe he is planning to mow the lawn.  I hope he is able to do that before it rains. I'm going to shower here shortly, then head o...

and I want to write it down before it gets away from me again. I can't determine whether one is of greater importance to me than another, so I'm just going to have to write about all of it in whatever way it floats out of my mind. Speaking of floating out of my mind- after careful consideration on my own part, and consulting with friends and family, I don't think my "ADD with OCD tendencies" is actually getting "worse". I believe that I self-medicated with Dr. Pepper and then Diet Coke for so long, that I was able to keep focused and do the things I needed to do in my daily life. I very seldom ran out of Diet Coke- I made sure to always have some on hand. There were days I didn't drink any, but there was never a stretch of days that I didn't drink it. Since the surgery in Nov 2008, I have not drank Diet Coke. I've tasted it a couple times- and it makes me ill and doesn't taste as good as it used to. Nevertheless, I have to function. ...

to my last blog post. I thought I made it clear that i wasn't finished. Also it wasn't a judgment of anyone. It was meant to be a statement of fact- truly. I honestly believe that when making such weighty (in my opinion) choices and decisions, *MY* personal opinion is of absolutely no matter at all whatsoever. But I also believe that people need all the facts they can get related to any particular subject, so that they can make a properly informed choice. I've made many choices or decisions off the cuff, when if I'd done a little more research or had a better understanding- I may very well have done differently. So I may or may not continue my previous entry, but definitely don't feel like I'm judging everyone and their dog. I do realize that the parent's physical and mental health must be considered, and in the end you are the only one responsible for your choices about your life. And I'm good with that.

B was off yesterday because mail doesn't run on holidays (hallelujah, pass the gravy!) and he did spend some time watching the olympics. I really wish I enjoyed the olympics more than I do, but I do not. Sometimes I can sit there and watch the snowboarders or speed skaters or whatever, but I definitely don't get all excited about it and set aside time in my day for the olympics. In addition to that though, B also put the Christmas boxes back up in the attic (can I get another HALLELUJAH!!!) and finished removing the wallpaper from the master bathroom walls. I somehow did not realize that I couldn't just go in there and paint it now. First it has to be textured, and then primed. Oh, the tediousness of it all. I just want it painted already!! I am *SO* convinced it's going to look less flaming pink once the walls are a more neutral color. Today I took DBall, Cman and Bman to see Big River at the Rogers Little Theater. I almost didn't go- because I didn't ...

comes earlier and earlier every day. Obviously I realize this cannot be accurate, but morning is definitely not my best time of day. I don't think we ought to have to interact with other folk until at least 10am... 11 would be better for me. Just sayin'. Yesterday was a little busy for us. B was off work, so the three of us went together to Sam's to see about getting new glasses for moi. They didn't seem to be any less expensive than my eye doctor sells them for, so I didn't get any yesterday. I'm going back to the eye doctor Monday or Tuesday, because he offered an additional 20% discount when I requested my spectacle Rx. FABULOUS! I neglected to mention that as an "early Valentine's gift" we got a new washing machine last weekend. It's a front loader with "silver care". Samsung says, "Samsung has developed and patented a technology, using a 99.9% sterling silver plate located inside the washing machine. Through electro...

because I don't really have much to say. Things are going pretty well here these days. I've yet to find pain relief, though excederin stress (tylenol + caffeine, with no aspirin) works somewhat and doesn't keep me awake. I guess that lunatic psychotherapist wasn't too far off in diagnosing me with ADD.... but I don't want to take ritalyn (I hear there's newer meds- but I don't much want to take them either). I remain slightly disappointed that I cannot drink Diet Coke or Dr. Pepper since surgery- I try it every so often and regret it fairly shortly thereafter. The cherry DP is FABULOUS- I would likely drink it every day if I could. The excederin works for mild headaches (if I take them before they've made migraine status) but not for too much else. A Dr. suggested lyrica, but the side effects sound sort of awful, and with my luck I'd get them all. I might end up trying it eventually- but I don't think I'm there yet. There's a...